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儿子,你必须独自前行

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龙士 中华龙士

发表于 2013-2-3 18:05:29 |显示全部楼层
不能在孩子面前哭
        都说给孩子取个贱名容易养活,我不是个迷信的人,但在面对孩子的事情上,我愿意相信任何关于福气的说法。我给儿子取名沙枣树。我希望儿子像沙枣树一样,倔强、顽强。
      我现在仍然清楚地记得,198349日星期六这一天。初春的风带着微微寒意,我在地里干活,为春耕做准备。
      我正想着沙枣树的一桩桩逗笑的事情,一个人远远地跑来,一边跑一边喊:出事了,出事了!沙枣树出事了!我心头猛得一紧,那人跑到我的面前,喘着粗气告诉我:沙枣树被高压电打了。。。。。。
      沙枣树躺在病床上,紧闭着双眼,一动也不动。医生脸上写着惋惜。我捂着胸口,强按住心跳,告诉自己:沙枣树不会有事的。
      医生告诉我们,孩子的双臂需要截去,我一下呆住了。我扑上去抱住沙枣树,我不相信,我的沙枣树聪明可爱,健康活泼。。。。。。

8_130517101316.jpg

      第三天,医生说,沙枣树的双臂已经腐烂了,要尽快切除,否则会感染其他部位。在手术协议上签完字,我就昏过去了。
   在沙枣树被推进手术室的那一刻,我的泪水又涌出来了,丈夫哽咽着说:等沙枣树醒来,我们要笑,不能在孩子面前哭。
      我感到体内的血被抽干了,心里刺生生地痛。如果可以交换,我愿意把我的双臂换给孩子。他没有双臂怎么吃饭?怎么牵我的手?怎么抚摸他心爱的小狗?
      沙枣树睁开双眼的那一刻,我和老公赶紧把眼泪擦干。他对自己空荡荡的双肩没有强烈的意识,他好奇地问医生:“叔叔,你把我的胳膊拔掉了吗?
      医生说:是啊,你的胳膊没有了,你害怕吗?沙枣树脖子一挺,说:不怕,老师说了,牙齿掉了会再长出来的,我的胳膊也会再长出来的。病房里一下子就安静下来了,我的心像有人拿着刀在一片一片切割。
      422日,沙枣树4周岁生日。老公得知露天电影院放映一部电影《典子》,说是特别适合沙枣树看。电影很感人,典子是先天性残疾,生下来就没有双臂,父亲看了一眼女儿后就狠心地抛弃了她们母女,一去不归。典子的母亲独自抚养女儿,强迫女儿做正常孩子都在做的事。典子会用脚洗脸、刷牙、穿衣服、系钮扣、梳头、做饭,还学会用脚写字,考上大学以后还学会了游泳。
      我们为沙枣树:你能像典子姐姐那样吗?沙枣树坚定地说:能。
      这部电影让我备受鼓舞,典子的母亲能做到的,我也一样能做到!
      回到家我们便展开了对沙枣树的用脚训练。老公买回很多粉笔,让沙枣树用脚趾夹着,在铁皮火墙上写数字和字母。开始字写得歪歪扭扭的,脚抬一会儿就累得满头大汗。有时候,我抓到他偷懒,骂他,他调皮地笑,天真地对我说:妈妈,等我的胳膊长出来,我还得用手写字呢。
2013030612111577.jpg

                                                        我的胳膊怎么还没长出来
      沙枣树5岁的时候已经能用脚熟练地夹起很多东西,能用脚灵活地翻看动画书,还学会用嘴咬着钥匙开房门,拼音、汉字书写得中规中矩。
      他还是那么爱笑,他喜欢且期待春天,他说:妈妈,春天树发芽了,我的胳膊也会发芽的,对不对?偶尔他会忧伤:妈妈,我的胳膊怎么还没长出来呀?是不是还要等下一个春天?每一次他的问话,都令我心痛了又痛。
       一个傍晚,我从地里干活回来,看到沙枣树倚在土墙上,黄昏的霞光打在他的身上,我走到他跟前,他望着我,眼里含着泪光:妈妈,我的胳膊是不是再也长不出来了?我愣了一下,想接着骗他,但我知道终有一天他会长大,会明白这一切,他也得学会接受和面对现实。我说:是的,再也长不出来了。
      沙枣树哇的一声大哭起来,他撞到我的怀里,又咬又踢:妈妈,你去医院把我的胳膊要回来,我以后听话,再也不惹你和爸爸生气了,把我的胳膊要回来吧。。。。。。那个傍晚我觉得特别冷,我们就坐在门前的沙枣树下,紧紧依偎着,我们的泪水不停地流。

20130315152000473.jpg

      第二天一大早,沙枣树就吵着要起床,我只好给他穿好衣服。他站到火墙边,用脚掀开粉笔盒,取出一支粉笔,一言不发地在火墙上写他的名字。我的心抽了起来,我走到他身后,说:沙枣树,爸爸、妈妈都爱你,你知道吗?他告诉我:知道。我的眼泪真多呀,我哭着告诉他:沙枣树,无论以后爸爸妈妈怎么对你,你要知道,我们都是爱你的。
      他说:知道。
      我的孩子,什么都回答,就是不回头看我,我难过得不知道怎么办才好。我又问他:你爱爸爸妈妈吗?这一次他转过头来,清清楚楚地说:“爱。”
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                                                                       自己的路得自己走
   沙枣树灵活的双脚让在场的所有老师刮目相看,他顺利地入了学。令我欣慰的是,沙枣树的学习成绩一直在班里名列前茅。我每天早上送他上学,放学的时候再去接他。但是老公不愿意,他说,我们能这样接送他到小学、中学,能接送他一辈子吗?我明白这个道理,可就是放心不下。
      有一次下冰雹,指甲盖大小的冰雹密密麻麻地砸下来,我打着伞到学校接沙枣树放学。在学校门口,沙枣树示意我背他,我说:沙枣树,今天你得自己走回家。”“可是妈妈,下着冰雹呀,你要我自己回家的话那你来学校干吗?他倔强地站在校门口,等着我弯下腰背他。
      我咬咬牙,学者电影《典子》中的母亲那样发狠:不要以为你没有双臂就有权利依赖我,你的路必须自己走。你愿意待在那里就待在那里吧!我打着伞泪流满面地往前走,不回头看他一眼。沙枣树踉踉跄跄跟上来,走了一会儿,他哭喊:妈妈,帮我打伞吧,冰雹砸得我很痛。我强忍着不理他。
      他一路哭着跟我回到家,头上被砸出小包。我板着脸给他换衣服,可他的一句话就把我的心击碎了:妈妈,我知道你是故意的。你放心,以后我自己上学。
      沙枣树从此自己上学放学,连姐姐的照顾也不要。到上高中时,他已经会用脚洗脸、刷牙、穿衣服、系纽扣、梳头、做饭。。。。。。可以自己照顾自己了。
      2008422日,使沙枣树29岁生日。他媳妇作了丰盛的饭菜。沙枣树正在逗他一岁的女儿。我的小孙女正在学走路,她一手抓着沙发套,一手伸向沙枣树,眼里全是恐惧。
      沙枣树蹲在她面前鼓励她,小家伙跌跌撞撞地扑到沙枣树的怀里,一把搂住他的脖子,咯咯地笑了。
      我坐在沙发上看着这一幕,笑着笑着,很多年没有流过的眼泪就涌出来了。
      有孩子的日子是开心幸福的,孩子给父母带来的快乐是无价和永恒的。回想起和沙枣树一起成长的那段岁月,我仍然有一种从心底涌出来的温柔,那是一种能让钢铁熔化的温柔。


心如莲花开
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