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别把孩子往外推

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发表于 2013-1-30 10:47:05 |显示全部楼层
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有一年暑假,河北有个女孩和父母一起来找我。进了办公室,女孩坚持让父母走开,要单独跟我谈。我俩一坐下来,女孩递给我一个信封,我抽出一看,竟然有30多页!

信中谈到:女孩读高一那年,成绩很优秀,后来遇到一个男孩,两人就好上了。短暂的甜蜜之后,女孩发现男孩毛病很多,不想跟他继续交往。男孩就对她恶语中伤、到处造谣,同学们议论纷纷。女孩始终包围在是是非非里,有苦说不出,越来越孤独。此时,另一个男孩来到她身旁,女孩又抓到一根救命稻草。可先前的男孩竟然告诉这后来的男孩:女孩作风有问题。于是,第二个男孩也离开了。

高二以后,女孩的学习一落千丈。

女孩哭着说:我也想学习,但一想到那些,就没办法安心。现在,我终于下定决心,必须离开原来的学校,到您这里学习。只要您在我身边,我就可以做得很好。王老师,您能保护我吗?我的这些经历,只敢对您一个人讲;说出来,我觉得舒服多了。

我问她:你没有对父母讲过吗?


她摇摇头:没有。有一天,我刚说有一个男孩喜欢我,就被他们劈头盖脸揍了一顿。以后,我再也不敢开口了。王老师,您相信吗?我好几次都想自杀了。

我看着女孩哭得差不多了,安慰她:你来这里学习,我会收下。把你的爸妈叫进来,我跟他们聊一会吧!

我问这对夫妇:你们知道孩子高中三年过得愉快吗?你们了解她都在想些什么吗?


妈妈说:这孩子高中三年成天愁眉苦脸的,也不知道她都胡思乱想些什么?净那些事。


我问:什么事?


我们也不知道啊。有时看她哭哭啼啼,问她也不说。


我生气地说:你们怎么问的?是不是有一次她刚说了个头儿,你们就揍了她一顿?


爸爸不好意思地说:是呀。我一听,小小年纪男男女女的,不好好学习,什么乱七八糟的!皮带就上来了。


我继续说:你们太糊涂!孩子整整三年都不开心,你们就不问一句为什么?就不找找自己身上有没有问题?孩子好几次想自杀,你们知道吗?你们这是要把孩子逼上绝路啊!


两位家长这才一个激灵地坐直了:她自杀干啥?


我毫不客气:那得问你们!


一个十几岁的女孩子,在感情的漩涡中难以自拔,只有父母可以帮助她,可偏偏父母什么都不知道。他们不仅无知,而且冷漠:火上浇油,在伤口上撒盐,甚至拳脚相加。这个节骨眼上,最容易出现悲剧。


这就是严厉的暴力。

许多父母为自己的过失申辩:我也是为了孩子好啊!我是爱之深,责之切!

但是,我要说:爱孩子是一只母鸡都会做的事情。家长们不必因为孩子不理解,就觉得自己多么委屈,关键在于你会不会爱有的孩子在高中谈了三四个朋友,家长一无所知;有的孩子打架、洗钱,家长闻所未闻。有时候,我真的很震惊:这些家长成天干吗去了?一经调查,他们几乎无一例外地拥有莫名其妙的严厉。有些是冷暴力,一看到孩子就把脸拉得老长;有些是热暴力,一点不对就拳打脚踢。有些亲子关系破裂的程度,让我怀疑:那个十来岁的小人还是不是他们的孩子?


现在,有不少人批判溺爱。其实,溺爱和严厉只有一线之隔。家长不懂得爱的技巧,孩子得不到家庭的温暖,转向社会去寻找情感安慰,这样下去,什么问题都可能发生。

美国心理学家为幼猴设计了五种人造母猴,以此探讨母亲的拒绝会给孩子带来何种反应。第一种,让母猴偶尔吹出强劲的风;第二种,让母猴猛烈晃动身体;第三种,给母猴装上弹簧;第四种,给母猴身上布满铁钉。但是,这四种母亲都未能将幼猴从它们身边赶开。唯独见到体内灌满冰水的第五种母猴,幼猴躲在墙角,逃离了这位母亲
可见,最可怕的拒绝是冷漠。


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发表于 2017-3-8 12:33:13 |显示全部楼层

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发表于 2017-3-18 00:23:21 |显示全部楼层

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发表于 2017-3-18 04:49:21 |显示全部楼层
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发表于 2017-3-20 08:44:48 |显示全部楼层

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发表于 2017-3-21 01:59:42 |显示全部楼层

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