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孩子最大的恐惧是什么

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发表于 2013-1-30 10:40:41 |显示全部楼层
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五岁的儿子在聚精会神地看一个社会调查节目。当作家的爸爸以为儿子这么小就开始关注社会问题了,心里很高兴,便问他说:“怎么不看动画片了?”
  “不看”,儿子很生硬地回答说。
  见儿子不愿被人打扰,爸爸就没再理他,继续做自己的工作。
  晚上睡觉的时候,爸爸给儿子讲完了故事,可儿子还是没有睡意。突然儿子问爸爸:“什么叫弃婴呢?”为了满足孩子的求知欲,于是,爸爸便把这个问题详详细细地解释了一通。可儿子还是不满意,继续问:“那么,在成都每年有多少弃婴呢?”爸爸说:“这个,我得去查数据。”爸爸正要去查,儿子继续问爸爸说:“在四川每年有多少?在全国有多少?全世界都有弃婴吗?”
  这时,爸爸才恍然大悟:印象中,今天儿子所看的社会调查节目是一个有关孤儿院的弃婴的生存状况的纪实节目。所以,儿子想到了弃婴问题。但儿子所关心的,并不是“弃婴”这个社会问题,而是他会不会也成为“弃婴”的个人问题。他问这个问题不是同情弃婴,而是怕自己也遭受相同的“命运”。他要知道的数字不是弃婴的数字,而是想搞清楚,自己有没有被丢弃的可能——而这才是儿子问话的真正意图。

    通常而言,孩子最大的恐惧就是父母不爱他或不要他。在《伊甸园东》一书中,美国著名作家、诺贝尔文学奖获得者斯坦贝克对这一恐惧加以了戏剧化的描写:
 “孩子所有的最大恐惧是失去了爱,而被遗弃是他所恐惧的地狱……跟随遗弃而来的愤怒,愤怒又会造成报复心理,带来某一种形式的犯罪行为……有一个孩子拒绝了他所渴求的爱,踢打小猫,同时把他的内疚隐藏起来;另一个孩子则偷,用钱来博取爱;第三个孩子则征讨世界——经常生活在内疚、报复和更内疚之中。”
  因此,无论在哪一种情况下,孩子都不应该受到遗弃的威胁。不管是开玩笑,还是在生气,我们绝对不能让孩子警觉到,他有被遗弃的可能。有一个人特别喜欢在街上或市场里转悠,为此他便经常听到一些愤怒的母亲对着看热闹的孩子说:“你要是再不走,我就把你丢在这儿了。”这种说话方式会触发潜伏在孩子心中已有的遗弃恐惧,煽起要孤零零地生活在这个世界上的幻灭感觉。
  事实上,在这种情况下,失败的多半都是母亲。因为走不了多远,心里极其不安的她肯定会折转身子。最好的处理办法是:在孩子的怠惰超过了能忍受的程度的时候,伸手去把他拖走,要比用语言去说他好得多。
  然而,由于生计所迫,做父母的很难做到不与幼小无知的孩子分离。在这种情况下,为了避免孩子产生被遗弃的错觉,父母最好不要在孩子睡觉的时候偷偷溜走,而应提前做好准备。比如,直接告诉孩子真相,放一张与宝宝的合影在他的床头,提前让他与照顾他的人熟悉,或用小录音机录下自己的亲切话语,都可以让孩子感到父母的爱就在身边。


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