看海的人 发表于 2013-2-2 14:48:02

] 原来,每个人都不是你看到的那样


文/李静洁
我有个朋友,是典型的花花公子,换女友的速度比换衣服快,为此还得到一个不雅的称号“强奸犯”,我曾问他,你到底最爱哪一个,他笑着说,哪个都爱。后来,有一次他喝多了,给我打电话说,我多么希望下一个遇到的就是我的老婆,一个我值得用生命去疼他的女人。原来,他心里还有爱,只是因为曾经被伤害,不是不想,是不敢……

我做活动时认识了一位摄影爱好者,自己经营着一家酒吧,每晚夜店呼朋唤友。但凡有什么事情,他都可以找到有关联的人,想方法解决。结果,有一天,他在Q上留言说,我可不可以偶尔找你聊天。我说为什么?他说,因为我没有朋友。因为我没有朋友,这句话我盯着愣了好半天。

我有一位很有钱的同学,很有钱很有钱,他家有多少钱,不是我这个脑袋所能有的概念。小伙长的也不赖,所有的人都认为他身边美女如云,事实上,也的确如此。许久未见,有一次遇到,聊到感情,我说,你可以不用为**朋友发愁,不用为现在这么高的房价发愁,不用为结婚用钱而发愁。他说,我也愁啊。我问你愁什么?他说,我愁她们是看上我的人还是看上我的钱,你不会了解这两个的区别有多大。
我旁边住着一对很恩爱的夫妻,男的年轻有为,女的温柔贤惠。每次出门,女人都要站在门口看男人下楼,男人也常常买很多女人爱吃的东西回来,偶尔还会分给我们家一些。我妈说,这是年轻夫妇的典范啊。有一次,我回家上楼,那女人在我前面打电话,说,今晚你是回家来呢,还是在外面玩?我不管你,你又何必管我呢?咱俩彼此彼此啦。语气依旧很温柔,我雷掉了一半意识。我在北京,遇到了一位朋友的朋友,是北大医学院西医学硕博连读的女生,我觉得我终于看到了不为就业发愁的天之骄子。结果,吃饭时,他最先说到的烦恼就是就业,我百般不能理解。她说,因为是北大医学院,我在乎别人的眼光,所以不想去小的城市,虽然待遇丰厚,可是北京留下没有背景靠分配很难。出国,中国的西医在国外很差,女生家又不想一辈子搞科研……我怕听着感觉还蛮有道理。

我有位姐姐,每天大大咧咧,凡事不放在心上,每天就知道咧着嘴乐,多有天塌下来也砸不找她的气概。结果,有一次我们一起去参加考试,她竟然紧张到脸色惨白,腿抽筋,竟然硬生生的抓着我的胳膊,第二天,我的胳膊上三条手印清晰可见。

我有一位认识很久很久的朋友,我一直觉得他什么都懂,可以把问题分析的很透彻,而且说话很有趣,很善于聊天。无论我有了问题,还是想找人说话,总是在Q上大叫你出来,然后他就开开心心出来了,或帮我解决问题,或把我逗得在电脑前笑得前仰后合。直到有一天,他对我说,我很孤单,我一直在强颜欢笑,我有很多很多的压力。虽然我并不感到惊讶,因为我知道懂很多的人心很累,可是我还是充满了心疼和不希望……

每一个认识我的人,都觉得我很坚强,其实只有我自己知道我脆弱到眼泪多的不值钱,看一本小说也要准备一条毛巾;每一个认识我的人都觉得我很严肃,其实,只有那些和我朝夕相处的室友才知道,我一点也不严肃,而且偶尔还很不正经;每一个人认识我的人都觉得我很独立,很胆大,很事业,其实,只有我知道,我是个极为恋家胸无大志的小女人,我遇到很小的选择都会犹豫,再大的机会摆在我面前,没有人鼓励我也会胆怯的偷偷放弃,每天在话筒前对着全市人民说话的我,却很害怕给陌生人打个电话。

曾几何时,我也羡慕别人的快乐,感受我的孤单;曾几何时,我也在乎别人的眼光,怕有达不到别人期望的那种失望;曾经何时,我也对自己说你已经怎么了,所以你只有做到比这个平台更高,你必须怎么样,不然很失败;曾几何时,我也想过要是有谁谁谁的身材,谁谁谁的性格,也许会不会更好。其实,原来我们都一样……

不记得从什么时候,我们开始把自己抱的紧紧的,紧紧的,害怕试图靠近的人靠近,是在我们进入成人世界的时候么?是在我们面对社会生存的时候么?是在我们遭受了朋友爱人同事欺骗陷害背叛之后么?我们就这样锁住了自己,戴上了面具。

后来,正在慢慢靠近30的我们,越来越感受到孤单,这是个孤单的年纪。于是,开始慢慢的试探的将心打开,渴望有一个人走进来,说,我懂你的心。遗憾的是,当我们打开自己的时候,却看到了其他所有人紧紧包着自己,没有人愿意走进来了……

每个人,原来都不是你看到的那样。其实,我们都一样。

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